I Didn’t Marry a Man — But I Did Marry Myself
by Jarvus Ricardo Hester, Editor-in-Chief, Mood Magazine NYC
Some mornings, I still wake up waiting for someone to find me.
Someone to walk in, place a hand on my chest, and say,
“There you are. I see you.”
But they never come.
And I’ve stopped calling that loneliness.
Now, I call it space.
The kind of sacred space that lets me choose myself—over and over again.
I used to believe that love was something I’d earn. That one day, if I looked right, cooked right, forgave fast enough, or kept my calendar full, I’d finally attract the man who made it all worth it.
But what happens when you outgrow your old prayers?
What happens when the person you’re searching for…
turns out to be you?
A Solo Date in Bed-Stuy
It was a Sunday. I was craving pancakes, but I didn’t want to eat alone.
I almost canceled. But I didn’t.
I went.
Alone.
To this little vegan spot in Bed-Stuy with sunflowers on the table and gospel music humming through the speakers like a hug from an auntie I didn’t know I needed.
And in that moment—with cinnamon syrup on my fingers and no one watching—I felt married.
To myself.
This Season of Singleness Is Sacred
I’m not waiting anymore.
Not for texts. Not for tables. Not for someone to make me feel chosen.
I choose me.
That means flowers for no reason. It means saying “no” when it costs too much. It means cooking Senegalese lentils on a Tuesday because I want flavor and wholeness in one bite. It means journaling the truth even when it aches.
It means healing the parts of me that used to perform romance just to feel seen.
This is not bitterness.
This is becoming.
The Vows I Wrote to Myself
I promise to speak kindly to my body.
I promise to forgive myself faster than anyone else ever could.
I promise to be the safe place I kept hoping someone else would be.
And I promise to let joy find me wherever I am—especially in the mirror.
Single in the City isn’t just a column. It’s my altar.
It’s where I tell the truth out loud so no one else has to feel alone.
And if you’ve ever felt like you were too much, too alone, too invisible, or too unfinished to be loved—
Let me be the first to say:
I see you.
And I hope today, you choose yourself too.
—
Jarvus Ricardo Hester
Founder, Single in the City
Editor-in-Chief, Mood Magazine NYC
Catch the next installment on moodmagazinenyc.org and follow the conversation on social media using #SingleInTheCity.
